Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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