I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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