The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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