is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
