Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
