I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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