i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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