I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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