Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
