OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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