i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
