The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
