but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
