Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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