i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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