You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
