big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
