I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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