I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize