your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
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