opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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