she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
