guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
