thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
