we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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