Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
