i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
