it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
