That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
