I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
