remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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