Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
