Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
