No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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