glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Just puked most of my soul out..
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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