did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
