If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
