I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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