From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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