Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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