I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
