I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
