He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We are two peas in an std pod
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
