I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
