And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
