I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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