Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
