Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
