Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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