I accidentally had phone sex last night
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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