just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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