If you die in college, do you die in real life?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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