In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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