I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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