i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
