how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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