We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
