found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you traded sex for a burrito?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
