U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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