My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
did i just pee glitter
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
