Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
