either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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