dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
