Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
