I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
