getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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