Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
