Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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