I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
