I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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