guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
