her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize