He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize