brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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