He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
