Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
