the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
