I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
