i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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