just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
