I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
