Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
