i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
