i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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