just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
