Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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