The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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