just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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