she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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