My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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