There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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