Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
