So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
